The Dolphin Code

• 1. Your last surfacing procedure was:


• a. First class.
• b. Surpisingly good.
• c. Understandably awful.
• d. Indescribable.


• 2. I presume you got your ticket in a raffle.


• 3. For the last serial you could have used any fishing vessel.


• 4. My battery is:


• a. 100% - I will simulate a nuclear submarine if you wish.
• b. 75% - I will simulate a nuclear submarine for a short time if you wish.
• c. 50% - I will not simulate a nuclear submarine, regardless of your wish.
• d. 25% - I will simulate a conventional submarine and will hot-pipe if you wish.
• e. DEAD - I hot-pipe now, regardless of your wish.


• 5. I was unaware that medical standards had been revised. You must be blind as a bat.


• 6. During the last action you displayed noticeably suicidal tendencies.


• 7. Once again, you have demonstrated a commendable ability to practice basics.


• 8. The last serial was so bad that we watched a double feature.


• 9. Your exercise instructions are simple. Simply awful.


• 10. I am unable to act as evasively as I wish.


• 11. I am unable to act as evasively as you wish.


• 12. I am surfacing because:


• a. I must make repairs.
• b. I wish to bale out water.
• c. Your chances of locating me are negligible otherwise.
• d. I wish to barbecue the next meal.


• 13. I must temporarily withdraw from the exercises because of difficulties with:


• a. Technical systems which are difficult to explain.
• b. Batteries/Motors/Generators - I no go right.
• c. Sonar - I no hear right.
• d. Ingress of water - I no float right.
• e. Fire/smoke - I no breathe right.
• f. Personnel - I no lead right.


• 14. Please accept my apologies for failing to make the assigned rendezvous. My reason is as follows:


• a. The navigator is a Newfoundlander.
• b. I was doing something else at the time and didn't think you'd miss me.
• c. I erroneously assumed that you would be where you said you would be.
• d. My navigational equipment has not been updated since the Boer War.


• 15. If you don't ask me to raise more masts, I won't ask you to fly with your wheels in the water.


• 16. Your last attack is assessed as follows:


• a. Excellent - within 500 yards.
• b. Good - within 1000 yards.
• c. Marginal - 1000 to 2000 yards.
• d. Poor - over 2000 yards.
• e. Awful - over 3000 yards.
• f. Unmeasurably distant.


• 17. It is difficult to believe that you and I are operating in the same ocean.


• 18. Your message (Date Time Group _____________):


• a. Appears to have been drafted hastily.
• b. Does little to foster good relations.
• c. Is a shining example of illiteracy.
• d. Is not held by this unit.
• e. Is held by this unit but we wish it wasn't.
• f. Requires the sort of reply I am not used to making.
• g. Was a crippler.
• h. Bend over, here it comes again.


• 19. When we were surface sailors we also used to do silly things.


• 20. If you decide to graduate to advanced exercises, please hire a different submarine.


• 21. If you ask me to fire another smoke, I'll scream.


• 22. Submariners never cheat and rarely lie.


• 23. It's a pity that in wartime we'd be on the same side.


• 24. Your approach to the problem was impossible but tactically sound.


• 25. a. Your helicopter frightened me.
• b. Your helicopter didn't frighten me.
• c. I frightened your helicopter.
• d. I wasn't aware you had a helicopter airborne.


• 26. a. Thank you for your valuable assistance.
• b. Had assistance been rendered, I would have been thankful.
• c. No, thank you, I do not require assistance.
• d. Please do not render assistance. I require your help like a hole in the head.


• 27. You have been on task for serveral hours. You must be suffering terribly from crew fatigue.


• 28. We have been on task for several weeks. Next week, we will probably begin to suffer from crew fatigue.


• 29. Tracking without attacking is the commonest form of military masochism.


• 30. I suppose the worsening weather will mean you have to stop the war.


• 31. The adverse weather is affecting us greatly - the movie projector tipped over twice.


• 32. If you're so good, why aren't you in submarines?


• 33. Submariners do it deeper.


• 34. Submariners think deeper.


• 35. Deep down you know it makes sense.


• 36. Submariners are super.


• 37. Submariners have bigger balls.


• 38. Diesel boats forever.


• 39. Black is beautiful.


• 40. Breaker one nine, this is rubber duck. I think we got us a convoy.


• 41. Ten four.


• 42. Please be gentle, this is my first time.


• 43. We think the water has been sufficiently ensonified. Maybe you should try something else.


• 44. You have the uncanny ability to complicate a very simple exercise.


• 45. Intelligence is a God-given gift. Doorknobs are man-made. Mental midgets have only God's love. Is my point clear?


• 46. After working with you, I now realize why some animals eat their young.


• 47. My CO and XO can out-drink your CO and XO.


• 48. When someone is as good as me, it's hard to be modest.


• 49. Happiness is 500 feet in Force 10.


• 50. With friends like you, who needs enemies?


• 51. Don't knock a stern shot until you've fired one.


• 52. If you provide the fresh water, I'll provide:


• a. Soap.
• b. Towels.
• c. 60 dirty bodies.
• d. Whiskey.
• e. All of the above.


• 53. G. O. Y. A.


• 54. D. B. S. F. W.


• 55. B. U. F. F. S.


• 56. P. P. P. P. P. P.


• 57. S. M. F.


• 58. With sub killers like you around, I look forward to a long life.


• 59. Missed me again.


• 60. Can I go home now?


• 61. We may be small but we're slow.


• 62. My bite is worse than my bark.


• 63. I was delayed in returning to periscope depth because:


• a. A large whale was holding me down.
• b. I forgot to vent my depth gauge.
• c. I was waiting for the last reel to finish.
• d. I had to resolve my plot.
• e. I wasn't sure if I knew that you knew where I was.
• f. I wanted to annoy you.


• 64. Many thanks for:


• a. Your kind hospitality.
• b. The newspapers.
• c. The skin books.
• d. Nothing.
• e. The OPORDER.


• 65. Excuse me, Sir, but I think you have confused me with someone who gives a damn.


• 66. My reports/reply/message/letter was/will be late for the following reason(s):


• a. Writers cramp.
• b. Typewriter unserviceable due to overheating.
• c. My priority list didn't coincide with yours.
• d. We didn't think you'd notice.
• e. I plain forgot.
• f. The XO plain forgot.


• 67. RPC (Request the Pleasure of your Company) for:


• a. Noon cocktails.
• b. Informal operational discussion.
• c. Post-exercise punchup.
• d. Light meal and refreshments.
• e. Sarnies and sludge.


• 68. MRU (My Regrets, Unable) because:


• a. I am otherwise operationally committed.
• b. I am otherwise socially committed.
• c. Your last such event was disasterous.
• d. I am unable to maintain your pace.
• e. I don't want to come.


• 69. WMP (With Much Pleasure):


• a. You offer so few invitations, I can't afford to pass up this one.
• b. Let's do it again.
• c. For a short time.
• d. For as long as you'll have me.
• e. With bells on.


• 70. Your social event was:


• a. First class, thank you.
• b. Disasterous, as expected.
• c. One which should never be repeated.
• d. Most detrimental to health.
• e. A crashing bore, better luck next time.


• 71. Unbelievable, will advise Mr. Ripley.


• 72. a. Very well done.
• b. Well done.
• c. Well done, sort of.
• d. Not well done.
• e. Badly done.
• f. Very badly done.
• g. Don't do it again.


• 73. Have lost the bubble, will retrieve.


• 74. Bubble found.


• 75. What can I say?


• 76. Reason(s) is/are as follows:


• a. I goofed.
• b. XO goofed.
• c. Somebody goofed.
• d. Inattention, for which some S.O.B. will pay.
• e. Temporary decline in usual high standards.
• f. Another example of usual low standards.
• g. I thought I could get away with it.
• h. Misdirected malapropism.
• i. Lapsus lingae.


• 77. This port is:


• a. Fantastic, better not send surface ships here.
• b. Outstanding, can we come again?
• c. Reasonable
• d. Not the sort of place submariners should visit.
• e. Hostile.
• f. Only good for storm avoidance.


• 78. Wish you were here.


• 79. Bet you wish you were here.


• 80. Glad you're not here.